Wednesday, April 14, 2010

And, just like that...

Dr Z just oozes sincerity and reassurance. It's an amazing skill.

He also thinks very little of the plan to split the project into two occasions. In fairness, he is leaving it up to me to think on overnight (although getting me to sign all the consent forms, just in case, is an interesting play on typical human biases), but he doesn't skimp with the derision.

Points in favour of the smaller work:
  • preserving my sanity in anticipation and recovery
  • since this hits everything I'd like to change in my face, it's conceivable that I'd never go back for part B
  • leaving forehead as-is alleviates my fear of overshooting the androgynous goal into overly feminized territory
(Dr Z's) Points in favour of the grand shebang:
  • doing things piecemeal risks aesthetic discord between different sections of the face
  • co-ordinating surgery time is hard, and I'll hate the intermediate result every moment of the intervening time
  • the forehead is the single greatest aesthetic improvement to be made, regardless of target gender
  • everybody - including the sexy Bulgarian fembot chauffeur with the black leather driving gloves - reassures me that the recovery isn't that bad, and the results are really worth it
  • this is more about me liking the mirror than anything else, and the strange thing is, I like what I change, even if I decide it wasn't aesthetically ideal (there may be a limit to that, of course)
  • I feel increased pressure to do this before every birthday; I'll make the time, particularly if I'm unhappy with it (and if I'm not, win!). As for hating it, see above - and I already dislike my current face, but it doesn't bother me 99% of the time. I see it relatively rarely, after all - though I'm surprised that more of you don't object
  • I've heard and hold the contrary opinion - the forehead is small beans. While I like the VFFS-simulated effect of removing the brow ridge, I like the chin reduction more; and I'm willing to wait another year to see how it pans out.
  • while my wisdom teeth removal increased my current comfort with anaesthesia in general, I'm still scared by the post-op recovery DVD - which happens to feature a 33 year-old lass front and center.
He's also still advocating shortening my hairline height, although amateur opinions tend to disagree on the importance of such a step, and I'm particularly put off by the scar across the hairline that it would leave behind. But somehow he has me seriously considering that, too, after the hour we spent talking. He's wasted on medicine - should be negotiating nuclear arms treaties.

(And, in passing, it's nice to be fixated on a dichotomy between half-face and full-face, rather than surgery vs running away screaming)

I really was looking forward to a genuinely gender-ambivalent face - did you know you can get an alternate gender on your CA driver's license with a form from your therapist? And Australian passports can be issued with an X for gender? Poland has no truck with such things, of course, but I could therefore have three different forms of state-issued ID, from three separate countries, with three separate genders!

But if I don't feel that the new face is adequately androgynized, I won't be comfortable playing these games; and I have a history of putting bits of life on hold while waiting for the surgery to happen, since it feels like everything will be more fun afterwards. Would just doing a half-face unblock that?

No comments:

Post a Comment